What exactly do you mean???

4 portable banquet style coffee urns out full of coffee nowhere near a brewing station or any other device to brew coffee...

Woman:  Oh, is there coffee in these?
Me:          Yes, there is !
Woman:  Which of these are working?

Me:        Ummmm, they're all working, ma'am.  

Woman:  They're ALL working?

Me:        Uhhh, yes, ma'am. The freshest are the two on the right.

Woman: Which one? (Points to the second from the left.) This one is working?

Me:       Working? I'm not sure what you mean. They all are working, but the freshest are the two on the right.

Woman: (Puts her hand on the 3rd from the left) This one is working?

Me:       Yes, they are all working, but that one and the one on its right are the freshest.

Woman: This one? (puts her hand on the one on the right end)

Me:        Yes.

Woman:  These are the ones working, right? (Points to the second and third ones.)
(I give up)

Me:        Yes.

Woman:  (Moves her hand onto the third one from the left and starts to dispense herself some coffee) This one, right?
Me:         Yes, that is the one that is working.

The check's in the mail. No, really, it is.

Nicely dressed man and a woman in business attire, in their 40’s, walk into the lobby, they walk around the lobby, they look around, go into the lounge area, look around for a minute, the lady sits down in a low chair just out of eye sight around the wall, all I can see are her crossed legs and the man walks up to the front desk.

Me: Hi there, checking in?

Man: Um, yes, do you have any rooms?

Me: Yes we do!

Man: Do I need an ID to check in?

 

Me: Yes, you do, do you have a reservation?

Man: Um, no, do I need an ID to book a room?

Me: Uh, yes, you would need an ID, sir.

Man: Oh, ‘cuz it’s in my truck.

Me: Ok. (Oh, boy, here we go!)

Man: .…oh, ok, I’ll be right back.

Lady is still in the lounge area, can only see her bouncing her crossed leg as she waits…

Man comes back in with his driver’s license. This is alllll too familiar, so I look at his left hand, no ring..yeah right, I don’t buy it.

Me: Ok, thank you, and the method of payment you would like to use?

(Let me take a WILD stab that he’s going to say cash.)

Man: Cash.

(I knew it)

Me: Ok, with cash transactions we take an extra $XXX in incidental fees that you get back upon check out.

Man: Oh, well, we’re only going to be here for a couple of hours. Probably check out at midnight.

(No shit, really?  Wouldn’t have guessed.  Can’t believe he admitted to that though)

Me: Ok, sir, if you would like to use a credit card we don’t have to take the extra incidental fee. 

Man: Oh, um, no, that’s okay, cash is fine.

(I figured)

Me: Ok the total with incidentals comes to $XXX.

Hands me a stack of crisp one hundred dollar bills.  Seems like he’s not new to this.

About 9:30pm we have a busy lobby with people checking in and bustling about the lounge and I see the ‘couple’ leaving.  They seemed to be walking a little bit taller and have a little skip in their step and smiles on their faces… but it’s not midnight and he didn’t come by the front desk to pick up his deposit, so maybe they are coming back later for round two? And really it’s not my duty to remind you that after you screw someone that’s not your wife to come pick up your $XXX.

I later get off of work and go home.  The next day I see him come in early evening, expensive gym type attire and, who’d of guessed, a shiny gold wedding band on. I know then, that he never came by the front desk to pick up his deposit or officially checked out.  I gesture for the other front desk person to take care of him so he didn’t try to argue with me.

He states to my coworker that he had forgotten to pick up his deposit, and would like to now pick it up.

BUT HERE’S the CATCH.  If someone that paid cash doesn’t pick up the deposit by 2pm, a check is cut and mailed to the address on file! ! ! ! !  

R O T F L M F A O!!! 

My coworker explains that to him and just at that moment you could see his gaze instantly go off over to Holy Shitsville. (not sure where that is exactly, but I’m starting to realize it must be nearby.)

Let’s say that the little skip in his step from the night before was gone when he left this time, and I would guess that he’s going to be the one checking the mail at home for the next couple of days.

For the Love of Buddha!!! I Don't Speak Chinese!!!

You need what? I'm sorry I don't understand.

Guy takes both hands and cups them then makes a motion of splashing water on his face.

You need a sink?

He nods and I guess says yes in Chinese.

A sink? And I too make a gesture of tilting my head down and splashing water on my face.

Again he nods and I think he says yes.

I start to point across the lobby toward the restrooms when their tour leader comes up and they start speaking in Chinese to each other.

The tour leader looks at me and says, He needs to use a phone, is there a phone he can use?

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - Unf*&#ing-believable

Ok, I just want to warn you that I am going to be using some explicit words, and if you are against that then I advise you to stop reading NOW.

It’s shit like this that makes me realize why customer services suck now where ever you go.  Now when I get a rude customer service rep on a phone or in person, in a restaurant or on a plane, or ANYwhere, I can now see through their angst and know that they have just been beaten to a pulp by fucking ignorant customers/consumers and they are just done with it.  As am I.

Maybe you have heard of hotels having rewards programs that earn you points, or tokens, or miles.  There’s the Diamond VIP by Hilton, or the Platinum member by Marriott, or the Gold Crown Club member of Best Western, or Choice Hotels’ Diamond Level, or the Hyatt Gold Passport…  So here’s my story...and away we go:

I get a guest check in and as I am checking him in he mentions to another person checking in at the same time that he has just stayed in same brand as ours hotel 3 times in the last few weeks, so I nicely ask if he has a [brand] Reward/Club number so he can get credit for this stay too.

He says he does not.  So, I ask, would you like to join?     I didn’t have to ask him. I didn’t have to do shit but check his fucking dumb ignorant ass in.  But I thought, this would be nice so he can earn points/tokens/miles/rewards.

He tells me he would like to.  So I get more than the usual amount of information and sign him up and give him a stupid little temporary thing with his rewards/club account info on it as well as a pamphlet showing him how it works and what he can earn and how.

He asks me, Will I get [points/tokens/miles/rewards] for the recent previous stays at the other [brand name] he had just stayed?  I say Yes! And I politely and happily show him on the brochure I had just overviewed with him the number he can call and they would be happy to add those stays to his club/rewards history.  He thanks me and goes on his way.

Less than a week later, corporate office sends us an ‘atta-boy’ email showing us an email he sent to them  saying that the day shift employee went above and faxed in a request to have his most recent stays added to his club/reward history, and didn't just ‘point to a pamphlet and tell me to call an 800 number’.

Are you FUCKING kidding ME???  You are 1. going to passive aggressively complain that I didn’t do it for you and 2. LIE and say I just POINTED to a pamphlet and said call them.  You FUCKING ASSHOLE, you wouldn’t have even KNOWN about the program if I hadn’t fucking told you!!!  Plus even if I had stopped EVERYTHING and faxed 147 different pages to the Club/Rewards office, they wouldn’t have been there to fucking receive it at 10:30 at NIGHT.   You have been a Club/Rewards member for a whole goddamn NINE hours and ALREADY are harping to corporate? Harping about shit that didn’t even happen the way you made it seem.  I can’t fucking WAIT to see what a buttfuck asshead you are when you reach any of the levels that actually get you things.

This is my analogy to make myself happy and to explain it in a different light:

You walk in to the hotel.  I randomly hear you say to the person with you that you have stayed with [brand] hotels frequently and that you don’t have a car to get around. So I say, Hey! Let me sign you up! Oh, and you don’t have a car???  Let me give you this brand knew [Fancy Brand New Car Make/Model] for you too!!! It’s low on gas, but here are directions to the nearest gas station!  You thank me and go on your way. 

Then the next morning you annoy the fucking shit out of someone else, because you are a helpless fucking assface fuck and say, Do you know where the nearest gas station is? And the day person goes, Oh, let me drop everything I'm doing and go gas that up for you!!! 

Then you write the corporate offices and tell them that the day shift employee went above and beyond because she gassed your car up and she didn’t just point out the window to some gas station.

HEY FUCKTARD, you wouldn’t even HAVE the car if I hadn’t TOLD YOU!!!

So, this is why customer service sucks now…..especially now WHEN YOU DEAL WITH ME.

P.S. – to those of you that are these dickmunch losers that I chronicle, everything, both bad or good, you send or mail or fax or email to the corporate offices, they send us ALL the information about who you are and when you stayed.  Yes, even the bullshit ‘anonymous’ surveys you fill out where you pour your pitiful fucking hearts out that breakfast didn’t have this or the pool was too that or turn down service was six minutes late…and it’s usually the dumb ghetto fucks that get the free email voucher or the special low rate that is about $100 less than anyone else in the place is paying, they send us ALL the information about who you are and when you stayed.

Seeeeeeeeee, and you thought that you only pissed ME off. WRONG ! ! !

http://hotels4dummies.wordpress.com/

An entry from the website above:

{July 12, 2011}   I Am A Front Desk Agent

There was a copy of this posted on the manager’s wall at the first hotel I worked at.  It’s a little exaggerated, but yet so true at the same time!!  This is what we go through everyday. Yes, people really do come up with stuff like this!
“I am a Front Desk Agent
I have advanced degrees in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.
Of course I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don’t have the confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with “S”.
Yes, I realize it is completely my fault that the blizzard shut down the airport and you have to sleep in a warm king-size bed while 5000 of your co-travelers are sleeping in benches at the airport. I am sorry.
It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, non-smoking, poolside suites with two king beds in each, four rollaways, 3 cribs, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.
I am a Front Desk Agent. I am expected to speak all languages fluently. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday on the weekend we’re sold out that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. THIS time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wanted to stay here. I should have known you were coming in, even though you had no reservation. After all, you stay at our brand of hotel all the time, 300 nights a year, and this is only the first time you’ve ever been to our city.
I am a front desk agent. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls, delivering six bath towels to room 625, plunging the toilet in room 101, and restocking the supply of pool towels, all at the same time. Yes, I will be glad to call the van driver and tell him to drive over all the cars stuck in traffic because you’ve been waiting at the airport for 15 minutes and you’ve got jet lag.
I am a front desk agent, an operator, a bellhop, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information specialist, entertainment critic, restauranteur, stock broker, referee, janitor, computer technician, plumber, ice-breaker, postman, babysitter, dispatcher, laundry cleaner, lifeguard, electrician, ambassador,  personal fitness trainer, fax expert, human jukebox, domestic abuse counselor, and verbal  punching bag.
Yes, I know room 112 is not answering their phone. And of course I have their travel itinerary so I know exactly where they went when they left here 9 hours ago, and what their cell phone number is.
I always know where to find the best vegetarian-kosher-Mongolian-barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money and without getting caught in traffic. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the nation’s economy.
I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Galaxy Delight Motel, Antarctica. Of course I can “fit you in” and yes, you may have the special $1 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.
I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, condole, upsell, downsell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer, and tell your friends that you’re here. And I know exactly where 613 Possum Trot Lane is in the Way Out There subdivision that they just built last week.
After all, I AM a Front Desk Agent!!”
~Author unknown

Again, this is a post from 

http://hotels4dummies.wordpress.com/

Thank you again, Rose N. for showing us that we are not alone in our angst!!! :)

No, sir, you are CHEATING...

Gentlemen, when you come in and you look around like you are being followed by the FBI and you ask if you can use cash and no credit cards, and you make sure to ask THREE times that nothing will be sent to the address that we are putting in the system from the ID you are giving us, and then come down 2 hours later to check out because of an emergency that is making you leave early, we know this is NOT the case and that you are cheating. 

But I guess if you are cheating, I suppose it's not that big of a deal that you are lying to a stranger about why you are there.

What does Chaperone mean?

I just had a chaperone come down and complain to me that part of their group was being too loud. She wanted me to go up and tell them to quiet down. Anyone else, but me, see this not happening?

Entry from Rose N ~

Entry from Rose N ~

Lady checking in:

"There's only one of these right?" (as she points towards the wall beside me)

[I look to my left....]

"There's only one of these right?" (again pointing at the wall)

[Again, I look to my left....]

"Your hotel" she says.

"Yes ma'am there is only one in (town's name)"

[she decides to take a couple steps around a wall, then a few back, then a sharp turn back out of sight around a wall and then back out]

"Where is the bathroom in this place???"




This is just a guess, but I would put money on there being one in your room, lady. 

"I would like to speak to your manager..." Really, just shut the F*$% up.

Been off for a few days, and though it has been absolutely wonderful, my friends still keep me in the loop about the complete idiots I will be dealing with when I return.

PHONE CALL, 9:30pm, only one Front Desk person on:

CO:     Thank you for calling (name), this is (name) speaking, how may I help you this evening?
Caller: Yes, I will be checking in tomorrow and see on the company website that your hotel offers a pool, free wi-fi, a business center, and fitness center. Can you tell me what amenities your hotel offers?
CO:  Um, yes, ma'am, we do have free wireless, a pool, a business center, and fitness center, and (etc etc).  (Happily asks)What would you like to know about these, ma'am?

(MEANWHILE: Three sets of people come up to desk to check in and ask information about the area, etc.)

Caller: I would like to know about your amenities.
CO:   Ma'am, I am going to have to put you on hold for a moment, I have a few people checking in, and I will be right back.
Caller:   You WHAT???  You don't TELL me what you are going to DOOOO!!!!! You ASK ME if you can put me on hold!!!!!"
CO:  Um, ma'am, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-
Caller:  NO, NNNNOOOO, I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER IMMEDIATELY"
CO:   Uhhh, ma'am, the manager won't be in until 9 tomorrow morning, I can give you his-
Caller:  I WANT YOUR NAME, YOUR MANAGER'S NAME AND HIS NUMBER NOW.  NOW!!!
CO:   Ok, ma'am, my name is (name), his is (name) and the number is (number)
Caller: Your manager will be hearing from me, (name)!!!!!(HANGS UP)


So, hopefully this sheds some light onto why it is hard to move on to the next person we deal with a fresh view, when the probability that the next person we deal with is most likely going to be an even more insane, demanding, asshole...

Happy Something of Something Weekend!!!

"Oh, for real? You all sold out? Why you all sold out? What's goin on this weekend?"

Ummmmm...

For everyone else Happy 4th of July weekend!

 

The Business Center: The Saga Continues.......

Everyone has heard of wireless internet, WiFi, hotspots, blah blah and understandably sometimes you have to ask how to connect to whatever wifi that is being provided.  So thank God I didn't get this call and my coworker did...

CO: Hello, and thank you for calling guest services. How may I assist you today?
Guest: Yes, you say you have free internet access, right?
CO: Yes we do!
Guest: Ok, how do I connect to it?
CO: Sure! You want to make sure your device has its wireless capabilities activated.
Guest: Ok..
CO: Then you will see (Brand) Wireless Services automatically pop up.
Guest: uh...ok.
CO: Then you want to agree to the terms and services by clicking ok and entering in XXXXXXXX as the passcode.
Guest: Uh huh...
CO: Then whatever browser you use, click on that and you should be all set!
Guest: Oh, ok. But, how do I connect to it if I don't have a computer?
CO: Ummm, I'm sorry?
Guest: I don't have a computer. Do you have a computer we can use?
CO: Oh, um, yes, do you mean our business center? We do have a computer you can use in our business center.
Guest: So is there a printer?
CO: Ummmm, yes, there IS a printer, sir.
Guest: And we can print from there?
CO: Yes you can!
Guest: Oh, ok great, so how do I go about using that and printing.
CO: Well, you have to come downstairs to the main lobby and go over to our business center, sir.
Guest: Oh, come downstairs. And that's where I can connect to your free internet?
CO: Yes, sir.
Guest: Oh, ok then, thanks.
CO: Ok, sir, no problem! You're welcome!

NO YOU FU%$&NG CHODE, some robotic device comes and swoops you into it, cradling you like a tiny delicate newborn and brings you up in the air above the trees and into the blue skies where you physically become one with this thing called the in ter net. Then 3 singing angels in gowns SOOOO white, they seem to be glowing, handwrite the answers in 24k gold on flowing silk sheets of paper what EVER it is that you querie.  Then when you are through with your journey throughout the in ter net, you are softly brought back to your room through your open window and gently laid into your bed while 4 DIFFERENT angels lightly fan you and sing you to sleep.

Dumbass.

(PS this was no bull shit either, the mid forty year old couple came down and CO had to go over to the computer and as they sat there, had to lean over them typing and pointing and showing them like he/she was teaching some internet 101 class for 4th graders.)

Complimentary Coffee...for those who can read.

Just as most hotels offer a business center today, most hotels also offer complimentary coffees and hot water to make tea, etc.  The ones at the hotel slightly resemble those seen in this picture.  Each urn clearly marked with what is contained therein.  They also have a gauge type device, sort of like the ones in the picture that allows people to see how much is left in each coffee urn.  And now we get to the point...

The complimentary coffee is usually located a bit away from the front desk and the gauges are not visible unless at a closer distance.  Enter the fluent, English as a FIRST language, adult guest.  They get a cup and stand there and stare at the urns. They stare and they stare and they stare some more.  We think they are trying to make the oh so difficult decision between the ennnormous choices  that we have (joke, we have 3 urns), so we let them be.  Then they turn towards the front desk and ask, "You all got any hot water?"  My co-worker looks up quizzically and asks, "Oh, I'm so sorry is it empty? I will go make some more immediately," and goes over to help.

As my co-worker approaches the urn marked in big fat capital letters "HOT WATER", she sees that the gauge says it is completely full.  So, now even more confused, she takes a cup to make sure that the urn is not broken and fills the cup with hot water.....  The guest then goes, "Oh, is that the hot water?"  My co-worker politely responds, "Yes, it is."  The guest then proceeds to make their tea.

COME ON!!!!! W T F F?!?! Are people just getting f$#%ing lazier and lazier? Do they just need constant attention from others or what?  Really, you planned and booked a trip out of town, used a source of air travel, found transportation to the hotel, filled out the credit card application for the credit card you used to reserve and pay for this room, and now you can't figure out which one is the HOT WATER? How can you figure out which restroom to use in public places if you can't find the HOT WATER?!?!?!?!? Please, PLEASE, start thinking for yourselves and stop asking such stupid questions.  Please?

The Business Center

All hotel chains offer an area where one can use an on site computer and printer.  They are usually in the lobby and are of a desktop type nature.  Here's one of the latest incidents relating to the Business Center. More to come later, but I am tired and worn out from dealing with morons.

Call comes in from an outside line:

Me:         Hello, thank you for calling (name) this is (name) speaking, how may I help you
Woman:  Yah, you all gots a business center in there?
Me:         Yes maam we do! :)
Woman:  How much it cost to print something out?
Me:         Well, um, uh, ma'am, are you a guest?
Woman:   (pause...........) Uh, yah, I'm a guest.
Me:         Well then it's free! :)
Woman:   Oh, for real? How late you workin'?
Me:         (now suspicious, I ask) How late am I working? Um, what room are you staying in ma'am?
Woman:   Oh, well, I'm not there yet, I'm staying tomorrow.
Me:          What was the last name on the reservation?
Woman:    (Gives last name)
Me:         I'm not seeing anything in the system under that name.
Woman:   Oh, um, well, my Mom made the reservation so that's why my name ain't comin up.
Me:         Oh, ok, ma'am, what was your mother's last name.
Woman:  (Slurringly gives some last name like Meeehayahmayennna  blah blah...)
Me:         I'm not seeing anything remotely close to that checking in tomorrow.
Woman:   Hey, look, you got a business center or not!?!?
Me:         Yes, ma'am, but it is for guests to use.
Woman:  Whatch-you mean it's just for guests, it says on your company's website that it's free.
Me:       Yes, free for guests.
Woman:  (Humph...CLICK! Hangs up on me.)

You want to know what room those little girls are in???

Busy day, lots of travelers bustling in and out, a mother and her two little 9ish year old daughters check in to the hotel. They finish up and leave to go around the corner to the elevators. About a minute or two later a man comes up to the desk with his bags, etc.

Me:    Hi there, checking in?
Man:  No. Can you tell me what room those little girls just went to?
Me:    Excuse me sir?
Man:  Those little girls (he points towards the elevators) I need to know what room they went to?
Me:    I can't just tell you what room those "little girls" went to, sir. You can probably understand,right?"
Man:  I'm with them.
Me:    (I stare quizzically at him, wondering why they would have gone up and not told him where to  go)
          You'rrrrre with them???
Man:   (Holds up a small formal gown on a hanger and stares at me like, Yah,now what!?)
Me:    Sir, that could mean annnnything now-a-days. Do you have an ID on you and I can look that up."
Man:  (In a huff, rolls his eyes, gets out his ID and gives it me)
Me:    (I search the system for any reservations that day with that last name...nothing comes up)
          Sir, I don't have ANYone under that name, not even just that last name.
Man:  Oh, well it's not under my name, it's under (gives last name).
Me:   (Why the HELL did he give me an ID then?) Well, sir, I can't really give any information about any reservation that you are not on. Especially about "those little girls". I'm sure you understand, right? For guest security reasons.
Man:  (Gives out a huff)  You know what, NEVERMIND, they just texted me with the room number anyway.
Me:   Well, that's great!  And thank you SO much for understanding....


W T F!!!!!!!!

Why are you calling this late?

There is NO manager on at 11:30pm at night. Do not call and ask to talk to one and get mad and tell us we are lying (yes got called a liar) when we tell you there isn't one here. Would I be able to call YOUR office right now and talk to yours? Keep in mind these people are 9-5ers and mostly Government workers, not industry workers like ourselves. So that answer would most likely be: Negative.

Do Not Disturb

If you have that in/on your door handle between 8am and 5pm then DO NOT DISTURB US EITHER because you do NOT get service.  Do not call down at 9pm and ask for housekeeping service because all of the housekeepers have gone home... ABOUT 4 HOURS AGO.

Entry by an ABC Manager - Ella R.

By Ella R.:

"My bar dos and don'ts:
It is not a cranberry/vodka, pineapple/vodka, etc... We do NOT carry cranberry flavored vodka, or pineapple flavored vodka, so order a VODKA WITH .... cranberry, pineapple, whatever! Liquor first - ALWAYS! Unless of course you want a juice or soda with a shot on the side of something
If the person in front of you orders 2 bourbon and cokes, don't say "I'll have the same thing, but with Jack". WRONG!! Just order 2 Jack and Cokes!
Don't come to the bar and say, "can you make us some shots? Something sweet, but strong, but not too sweet..." (first of all, that does not exist) Have a party, use your stupid cell phone app and learn the drinks you like so you don't waste my time when we are busy!
Don't flag me down when we are busy, then when I get to you, go "hmmmmm........", or turn to your friends to ask what THEY want. Be ready to order BEFORE you flag me down!! And have your cash/credit card ready. Don't make me stand there waiting while you count your ones, or try to get your card out of the tight plastic in your wallet.
If I come to you with the beer list, don't look at me and ask, "what's on tap?". I just gave you the list because I don't have time to stand there reciting it to you! Read it, decide, and order!
The bar napkins/fruit/straws/juices/red bull/anything else not placed in front of you by me, ARE NOT FOR YOU! Don't touch them to play games or because you think you can. Need something? ASK ME!!!
TIP, TIP, TIP!!! 10% was a good tip for your grandparents. It is 2011. If you leave less than 20% you better have had HORRIBLE service! (or you're a douche). 20-30% is the new NORMAL, it is not being awesome, it is NORMAL! Don't expect a free drink just because you left me 20% either!
If it is Happy Hour, and you just had 10 beers for $10, a $2 tip is NOT A GOOD TIP! You just saved $42.50, you can at least leave $5-10 as a tip! So, TIP according to what you WOULD have spent, or what the tip SHOULD be on a $52.50 tab (Remember the 20-30% rule above).
If you are standing in front of MY bar, don't tell me you're waiting for another bar tender. Order from me, or go to THEIR station so people that want to order from ME can get to the bar.
Don't come in while we are slammed, and every game has been on for hours, and ask me to change the channel! There are TONS of tv's, YOU MOVE to where your game is on.
Don't ask me to hook you up with another bar tender. Chances are they like you as little as I do or less, and chances are they are taken. We ARE all good looking and have great personalities, you really think we're single? (or that you have a chance for that matter?)
If you make the mistake of breaking the rule above: TIP MORE than you usually would, at least this once! You want to impress a bar tender, leaving $4 on the $40 round you just ordered will get you NOWHERE!
Don't act like $5 for a beer is SO expensive.....do you know where you are? We don't have a cover, EVER! So $5-8 for a beer or drink is NOT a lot. Go to Woodbridge, or Manassas if you want to pay less. Better yet, stay home with a 6-pack.
Change is NOT a tip! Save your quarters for the meter and leave at least $1 for your beer/drink. If you order a drink that is $8+ leave $2, it is not trigonometry, it is common sense!
Bloody Marys are usually on special at most bars on Saturdays and Sundays because people are hungover from being at your bar the night before...Don't order it at 7pm when we are slammed! They are a pain in the ass to make, and you are NOT hungover right now, just CHEAP.
If you want to take shooters, pick one for ALL of you!!! Don't order, 1 lemon drop, 1 kamikazi, 1 sex on the beach (who drinks those anymore anyway?!), and 1 other pain in the ass shooter.
If you are a MAN, don't order anything but a SHOT. Ordering a shooter just makes you look dumb. Can't handle the good stuff? Order a shot of vodka.
If you want that chilled- ASK FOR IT! Don't wait til I pour them all to ask me to chill them! Now they won't fit in the shot glasses, because chilling them waters them down, making them bigger.
Don't ask for a TALL and then complain that it is weak. TALL means more mixer, NOT more alcohol. Want more alcohol? Order a DOUBLE? Don't want to PAY for a double? Order a regular drink and deal with the
1.5 oz in the glass! You want a little bit more than that? TIP MORE!!! Our hands get a bit heavier with good tips!
Don't ever ASK for a "strong" anything or a FREE anything. If you are nice, polite, or friendly, we might just take care of you...ONCE. Don't expect it every time.
If you are a fellow bar tender, regular customer, friend: Don't EVER expect to be hooked up. You know the rules, and we just can't always take care of you! Your hook up is not having to wait to order, and that should be enough. We will do what we can, when we can, but don't come in expecting not to have to pay. Only the owners can expect that! It is THEIR liquor, not mine.
Don't tell me, "I used to be a bar tender". We would never say it, so it tells me you are lying, or it was so long ago, you don't know it is bad bar etiquette to point that out (especially if you are ordering like an ass, and/or tipping crappy!).

I think that is good for now...I feel better.  Enjoy!
Feel free to add to this and repost. It makes me happy to hear more horror stories from fellow bar tenders!"

A post from my FB page

 June 5th

"What's everyone doing? I'm watching a father sitting at a table clip his kids toenails and his own fingernails onto the floor in the breakfast area."

What did you just ask???

Man has us call a cab for him and doesn't give us any other information, but neither did I ask.  Cab comes and he comes down and asks me, "Now, do I have to let the cab know where it is I'm going?"   ....WHAT!?!

So, I tell a friend about this and he comes up with a GRRRREAT ONE!!!

"So, you have a Continental Breakfast offered here, I was wondering just what Continent that your breakfast is from." Tim N.     Love my buddy Tim. LOVE HIM

Does it SAY VERIZON WIRELESS ANYWHERE AROUND HERE???

Guy comes up and asks how to use his phone.  Um, what? Starts to hand over his open cell phone to us and says, "I don't know how to use this and I need to call somebody."  We ask who he needs to call and that we'll dial it for him. He says it's in the phone but doesn't know how to get to it.  So we bring up his contact list and hand it to him.  He says oh can you come here and show me how you did that and how do I get to the contact I need?   Ok, doesn't sound like that big of a deal but, let's add this to the mix, the F*&K*NG paramedics, ambulance etc are there helping someone that was in need and he stops us in the middle of this ultimate chaos to show him how to use his cell phone.   Why customer service sucks, because people are becoming selfish entitled idiots.

(how'd he get the numbers in the phone to begin with???)

Oldie but Goodie

About a month ago we had a wedding party in from the Middle East staying for about 5 nights. I won't go into all the hell they put us through the whole time they were there, oh, and it was HELL... They lost their keys every time they left they're rooms but got mad when we wouldn't give them keys to other people's rooms that their names weren't on...but I digress... but upon check out a 70+ year old 4 foot nothing Middle Eastern lady comes to the front desk to have her stay completely comped (given to them for free). I guess we weren't fast enough, so she started swinging her big purse/bag thing over her head like a helicopter and released it across the front desk at the other customer service person working, then ran around the front desk screaming and trying to get into the back offices.  One of the younger relatives had to come running behind the desk after her and put her in a bear hug to stop her...  Oh, yah, and half of them were at a considerably low rate because they were family of an employee of a sister property...  Ummmm, yah. WTF.

April 30th 

So I have to go down the hall to tell about eight 10-12 year olds to shut the F*&$ up because the parents left them to go out to dinner and didn't allow them to have keys to they're respective rooms nor did they tell us they were leaving they're children unattended, (yes, had to babysit, which is NOT in our job description) and as I round the corner I hear one of them say, "I wonder if there's enough room in there for a foursome?" They go and congregate over in the lobby area and I over hear one of the children laughing and say, "OMG, he's trying to rape me!(giggle giggle)".  Um, WHATTT?  By the way, this company is a very well regarded company, not some motel chain that these descriptions are making it look like by these customers' actions.  I can't IMAGINE what the crappy motel employees have to deal with.

June 3 

Back to work after being out sick for 5 days. First up, lady checking in with husband, after the schpeel about all the amenities I get an abrupt,  frantic and loud, 'Um... do u have ICE HERE ???'. As she looks around the lobby like a frazzled pregnant woman looking for ice chips or something. No we have an indoor pool but this company couldn't afford to spring for f%#*ing ice machines after we installed that, sorry... 
Are u KIDDING ME???

June 20

Man:"I've seemed to have locked my keys in my room. May I get another one?"
Me:"Off course sir!  :D  What was the last name?"
Man:"(Last name)"
Me: "Great, thank you! Do you happen to have an ID on you just to be certain?"
Man: "Sure, no problem." (shows ID)
Me: Click click, swipe beep beep, hand the key.
Man: "Ummm..... this one's a different color than my other ones."
Me: "I'm sorry, what?"
Man: "This key, it's a different color."
Me: "Oh ok."
Man:(stares at me)
Me: I stare quizzically.
Man: (Stares at the card then at me)
Me: "Ummmmm, did you want another one, sir"
Man: (Staring at and flipping key card) "Uh, welllll, it's just that this one isn't the same color as the other ones."
Me: "I would be happy to get you another color."
Man: "Um...uh...... (pause.......stares at the card......flips it over)
Me:  ............
Man: "That's ok. It's just that the other ones I had were different, but.....this...... this... will be ok."

Welcome

I am here to post things that I experience daily to help show people why customer service sucks so badly now a days.  It's not just a one way street.  Customer services representatives are not all bad, even the good ones  suck sometimes after dealing with f&$*ing idiots all day that we are worn down from it and can't imagine what is going to come next.  So, this whole Customer Service Sucking wasn't just brought upon by itself, it was mostly, at least in this case, brought on by the CUSTOMERS sucking so badly that we can't help it just to give in and suck too.

Please feel free to email me any stories of ridiculous customers you have to deal with and your first name and last initial or anonymously and I will do my best to post them. Email me at whycustomerservicesucksnow@gmail.com