Entry by an ABC Manager - Ella R.

By Ella R.:

"My bar dos and don'ts:
It is not a cranberry/vodka, pineapple/vodka, etc... We do NOT carry cranberry flavored vodka, or pineapple flavored vodka, so order a VODKA WITH .... cranberry, pineapple, whatever! Liquor first - ALWAYS! Unless of course you want a juice or soda with a shot on the side of something
If the person in front of you orders 2 bourbon and cokes, don't say "I'll have the same thing, but with Jack". WRONG!! Just order 2 Jack and Cokes!
Don't come to the bar and say, "can you make us some shots? Something sweet, but strong, but not too sweet..." (first of all, that does not exist) Have a party, use your stupid cell phone app and learn the drinks you like so you don't waste my time when we are busy!
Don't flag me down when we are busy, then when I get to you, go "hmmmmm........", or turn to your friends to ask what THEY want. Be ready to order BEFORE you flag me down!! And have your cash/credit card ready. Don't make me stand there waiting while you count your ones, or try to get your card out of the tight plastic in your wallet.
If I come to you with the beer list, don't look at me and ask, "what's on tap?". I just gave you the list because I don't have time to stand there reciting it to you! Read it, decide, and order!
The bar napkins/fruit/straws/juices/red bull/anything else not placed in front of you by me, ARE NOT FOR YOU! Don't touch them to play games or because you think you can. Need something? ASK ME!!!
TIP, TIP, TIP!!! 10% was a good tip for your grandparents. It is 2011. If you leave less than 20% you better have had HORRIBLE service! (or you're a douche). 20-30% is the new NORMAL, it is not being awesome, it is NORMAL! Don't expect a free drink just because you left me 20% either!
If it is Happy Hour, and you just had 10 beers for $10, a $2 tip is NOT A GOOD TIP! You just saved $42.50, you can at least leave $5-10 as a tip! So, TIP according to what you WOULD have spent, or what the tip SHOULD be on a $52.50 tab (Remember the 20-30% rule above).
If you are standing in front of MY bar, don't tell me you're waiting for another bar tender. Order from me, or go to THEIR station so people that want to order from ME can get to the bar.
Don't come in while we are slammed, and every game has been on for hours, and ask me to change the channel! There are TONS of tv's, YOU MOVE to where your game is on.
Don't ask me to hook you up with another bar tender. Chances are they like you as little as I do or less, and chances are they are taken. We ARE all good looking and have great personalities, you really think we're single? (or that you have a chance for that matter?)
If you make the mistake of breaking the rule above: TIP MORE than you usually would, at least this once! You want to impress a bar tender, leaving $4 on the $40 round you just ordered will get you NOWHERE!
Don't act like $5 for a beer is SO expensive.....do you know where you are? We don't have a cover, EVER! So $5-8 for a beer or drink is NOT a lot. Go to Woodbridge, or Manassas if you want to pay less. Better yet, stay home with a 6-pack.
Change is NOT a tip! Save your quarters for the meter and leave at least $1 for your beer/drink. If you order a drink that is $8+ leave $2, it is not trigonometry, it is common sense!
Bloody Marys are usually on special at most bars on Saturdays and Sundays because people are hungover from being at your bar the night before...Don't order it at 7pm when we are slammed! They are a pain in the ass to make, and you are NOT hungover right now, just CHEAP.
If you want to take shooters, pick one for ALL of you!!! Don't order, 1 lemon drop, 1 kamikazi, 1 sex on the beach (who drinks those anymore anyway?!), and 1 other pain in the ass shooter.
If you are a MAN, don't order anything but a SHOT. Ordering a shooter just makes you look dumb. Can't handle the good stuff? Order a shot of vodka.
If you want that chilled- ASK FOR IT! Don't wait til I pour them all to ask me to chill them! Now they won't fit in the shot glasses, because chilling them waters them down, making them bigger.
Don't ask for a TALL and then complain that it is weak. TALL means more mixer, NOT more alcohol. Want more alcohol? Order a DOUBLE? Don't want to PAY for a double? Order a regular drink and deal with the
1.5 oz in the glass! You want a little bit more than that? TIP MORE!!! Our hands get a bit heavier with good tips!
Don't ever ASK for a "strong" anything or a FREE anything. If you are nice, polite, or friendly, we might just take care of you...ONCE. Don't expect it every time.
If you are a fellow bar tender, regular customer, friend: Don't EVER expect to be hooked up. You know the rules, and we just can't always take care of you! Your hook up is not having to wait to order, and that should be enough. We will do what we can, when we can, but don't come in expecting not to have to pay. Only the owners can expect that! It is THEIR liquor, not mine.
Don't tell me, "I used to be a bar tender". We would never say it, so it tells me you are lying, or it was so long ago, you don't know it is bad bar etiquette to point that out (especially if you are ordering like an ass, and/or tipping crappy!).

I think that is good for now...I feel better.  Enjoy!
Feel free to add to this and repost. It makes me happy to hear more horror stories from fellow bar tenders!"