The Business Center: The Saga Continues.......

Everyone has heard of wireless internet, WiFi, hotspots, blah blah and understandably sometimes you have to ask how to connect to whatever wifi that is being provided.  So thank God I didn't get this call and my coworker did...

CO: Hello, and thank you for calling guest services. How may I assist you today?
Guest: Yes, you say you have free internet access, right?
CO: Yes we do!
Guest: Ok, how do I connect to it?
CO: Sure! You want to make sure your device has its wireless capabilities activated.
Guest: Ok..
CO: Then you will see (Brand) Wireless Services automatically pop up.
Guest: uh...ok.
CO: Then you want to agree to the terms and services by clicking ok and entering in XXXXXXXX as the passcode.
Guest: Uh huh...
CO: Then whatever browser you use, click on that and you should be all set!
Guest: Oh, ok. But, how do I connect to it if I don't have a computer?
CO: Ummm, I'm sorry?
Guest: I don't have a computer. Do you have a computer we can use?
CO: Oh, um, yes, do you mean our business center? We do have a computer you can use in our business center.
Guest: So is there a printer?
CO: Ummmm, yes, there IS a printer, sir.
Guest: And we can print from there?
CO: Yes you can!
Guest: Oh, ok great, so how do I go about using that and printing.
CO: Well, you have to come downstairs to the main lobby and go over to our business center, sir.
Guest: Oh, come downstairs. And that's where I can connect to your free internet?
CO: Yes, sir.
Guest: Oh, ok then, thanks.
CO: Ok, sir, no problem! You're welcome!

NO YOU FU%$&NG CHODE, some robotic device comes and swoops you into it, cradling you like a tiny delicate newborn and brings you up in the air above the trees and into the blue skies where you physically become one with this thing called the in ter net. Then 3 singing angels in gowns SOOOO white, they seem to be glowing, handwrite the answers in 24k gold on flowing silk sheets of paper what EVER it is that you querie.  Then when you are through with your journey throughout the in ter net, you are softly brought back to your room through your open window and gently laid into your bed while 4 DIFFERENT angels lightly fan you and sing you to sleep.

Dumbass.

(PS this was no bull shit either, the mid forty year old couple came down and CO had to go over to the computer and as they sat there, had to lean over them typing and pointing and showing them like he/she was teaching some internet 101 class for 4th graders.)

Complimentary Coffee...for those who can read.

Just as most hotels offer a business center today, most hotels also offer complimentary coffees and hot water to make tea, etc.  The ones at the hotel slightly resemble those seen in this picture.  Each urn clearly marked with what is contained therein.  They also have a gauge type device, sort of like the ones in the picture that allows people to see how much is left in each coffee urn.  And now we get to the point...

The complimentary coffee is usually located a bit away from the front desk and the gauges are not visible unless at a closer distance.  Enter the fluent, English as a FIRST language, adult guest.  They get a cup and stand there and stare at the urns. They stare and they stare and they stare some more.  We think they are trying to make the oh so difficult decision between the ennnormous choices  that we have (joke, we have 3 urns), so we let them be.  Then they turn towards the front desk and ask, "You all got any hot water?"  My co-worker looks up quizzically and asks, "Oh, I'm so sorry is it empty? I will go make some more immediately," and goes over to help.

As my co-worker approaches the urn marked in big fat capital letters "HOT WATER", she sees that the gauge says it is completely full.  So, now even more confused, she takes a cup to make sure that the urn is not broken and fills the cup with hot water.....  The guest then goes, "Oh, is that the hot water?"  My co-worker politely responds, "Yes, it is."  The guest then proceeds to make their tea.

COME ON!!!!! W T F F?!?! Are people just getting f$#%ing lazier and lazier? Do they just need constant attention from others or what?  Really, you planned and booked a trip out of town, used a source of air travel, found transportation to the hotel, filled out the credit card application for the credit card you used to reserve and pay for this room, and now you can't figure out which one is the HOT WATER? How can you figure out which restroom to use in public places if you can't find the HOT WATER?!?!?!?!? Please, PLEASE, start thinking for yourselves and stop asking such stupid questions.  Please?

The Business Center

All hotel chains offer an area where one can use an on site computer and printer.  They are usually in the lobby and are of a desktop type nature.  Here's one of the latest incidents relating to the Business Center. More to come later, but I am tired and worn out from dealing with morons.

Call comes in from an outside line:

Me:         Hello, thank you for calling (name) this is (name) speaking, how may I help you
Woman:  Yah, you all gots a business center in there?
Me:         Yes maam we do! :)
Woman:  How much it cost to print something out?
Me:         Well, um, uh, ma'am, are you a guest?
Woman:   (pause...........) Uh, yah, I'm a guest.
Me:         Well then it's free! :)
Woman:   Oh, for real? How late you workin'?
Me:         (now suspicious, I ask) How late am I working? Um, what room are you staying in ma'am?
Woman:   Oh, well, I'm not there yet, I'm staying tomorrow.
Me:          What was the last name on the reservation?
Woman:    (Gives last name)
Me:         I'm not seeing anything in the system under that name.
Woman:   Oh, um, well, my Mom made the reservation so that's why my name ain't comin up.
Me:         Oh, ok, ma'am, what was your mother's last name.
Woman:  (Slurringly gives some last name like Meeehayahmayennna  blah blah...)
Me:         I'm not seeing anything remotely close to that checking in tomorrow.
Woman:   Hey, look, you got a business center or not!?!?
Me:         Yes, ma'am, but it is for guests to use.
Woman:  Whatch-you mean it's just for guests, it says on your company's website that it's free.
Me:       Yes, free for guests.
Woman:  (Humph...CLICK! Hangs up on me.)

You want to know what room those little girls are in???

Busy day, lots of travelers bustling in and out, a mother and her two little 9ish year old daughters check in to the hotel. They finish up and leave to go around the corner to the elevators. About a minute or two later a man comes up to the desk with his bags, etc.

Me:    Hi there, checking in?
Man:  No. Can you tell me what room those little girls just went to?
Me:    Excuse me sir?
Man:  Those little girls (he points towards the elevators) I need to know what room they went to?
Me:    I can't just tell you what room those "little girls" went to, sir. You can probably understand,right?"
Man:  I'm with them.
Me:    (I stare quizzically at him, wondering why they would have gone up and not told him where to  go)
          You'rrrrre with them???
Man:   (Holds up a small formal gown on a hanger and stares at me like, Yah,now what!?)
Me:    Sir, that could mean annnnything now-a-days. Do you have an ID on you and I can look that up."
Man:  (In a huff, rolls his eyes, gets out his ID and gives it me)
Me:    (I search the system for any reservations that day with that last name...nothing comes up)
          Sir, I don't have ANYone under that name, not even just that last name.
Man:  Oh, well it's not under my name, it's under (gives last name).
Me:   (Why the HELL did he give me an ID then?) Well, sir, I can't really give any information about any reservation that you are not on. Especially about "those little girls". I'm sure you understand, right? For guest security reasons.
Man:  (Gives out a huff)  You know what, NEVERMIND, they just texted me with the room number anyway.
Me:   Well, that's great!  And thank you SO much for understanding....


W T F!!!!!!!!

Why are you calling this late?

There is NO manager on at 11:30pm at night. Do not call and ask to talk to one and get mad and tell us we are lying (yes got called a liar) when we tell you there isn't one here. Would I be able to call YOUR office right now and talk to yours? Keep in mind these people are 9-5ers and mostly Government workers, not industry workers like ourselves. So that answer would most likely be: Negative.

Do Not Disturb

If you have that in/on your door handle between 8am and 5pm then DO NOT DISTURB US EITHER because you do NOT get service.  Do not call down at 9pm and ask for housekeeping service because all of the housekeepers have gone home... ABOUT 4 HOURS AGO.

Entry by an ABC Manager - Ella R.

By Ella R.:

"My bar dos and don'ts:
It is not a cranberry/vodka, pineapple/vodka, etc... We do NOT carry cranberry flavored vodka, or pineapple flavored vodka, so order a VODKA WITH .... cranberry, pineapple, whatever! Liquor first - ALWAYS! Unless of course you want a juice or soda with a shot on the side of something
If the person in front of you orders 2 bourbon and cokes, don't say "I'll have the same thing, but with Jack". WRONG!! Just order 2 Jack and Cokes!
Don't come to the bar and say, "can you make us some shots? Something sweet, but strong, but not too sweet..." (first of all, that does not exist) Have a party, use your stupid cell phone app and learn the drinks you like so you don't waste my time when we are busy!
Don't flag me down when we are busy, then when I get to you, go "hmmmmm........", or turn to your friends to ask what THEY want. Be ready to order BEFORE you flag me down!! And have your cash/credit card ready. Don't make me stand there waiting while you count your ones, or try to get your card out of the tight plastic in your wallet.
If I come to you with the beer list, don't look at me and ask, "what's on tap?". I just gave you the list because I don't have time to stand there reciting it to you! Read it, decide, and order!
The bar napkins/fruit/straws/juices/red bull/anything else not placed in front of you by me, ARE NOT FOR YOU! Don't touch them to play games or because you think you can. Need something? ASK ME!!!
TIP, TIP, TIP!!! 10% was a good tip for your grandparents. It is 2011. If you leave less than 20% you better have had HORRIBLE service! (or you're a douche). 20-30% is the new NORMAL, it is not being awesome, it is NORMAL! Don't expect a free drink just because you left me 20% either!
If it is Happy Hour, and you just had 10 beers for $10, a $2 tip is NOT A GOOD TIP! You just saved $42.50, you can at least leave $5-10 as a tip! So, TIP according to what you WOULD have spent, or what the tip SHOULD be on a $52.50 tab (Remember the 20-30% rule above).
If you are standing in front of MY bar, don't tell me you're waiting for another bar tender. Order from me, or go to THEIR station so people that want to order from ME can get to the bar.
Don't come in while we are slammed, and every game has been on for hours, and ask me to change the channel! There are TONS of tv's, YOU MOVE to where your game is on.
Don't ask me to hook you up with another bar tender. Chances are they like you as little as I do or less, and chances are they are taken. We ARE all good looking and have great personalities, you really think we're single? (or that you have a chance for that matter?)
If you make the mistake of breaking the rule above: TIP MORE than you usually would, at least this once! You want to impress a bar tender, leaving $4 on the $40 round you just ordered will get you NOWHERE!
Don't act like $5 for a beer is SO expensive.....do you know where you are? We don't have a cover, EVER! So $5-8 for a beer or drink is NOT a lot. Go to Woodbridge, or Manassas if you want to pay less. Better yet, stay home with a 6-pack.
Change is NOT a tip! Save your quarters for the meter and leave at least $1 for your beer/drink. If you order a drink that is $8+ leave $2, it is not trigonometry, it is common sense!
Bloody Marys are usually on special at most bars on Saturdays and Sundays because people are hungover from being at your bar the night before...Don't order it at 7pm when we are slammed! They are a pain in the ass to make, and you are NOT hungover right now, just CHEAP.
If you want to take shooters, pick one for ALL of you!!! Don't order, 1 lemon drop, 1 kamikazi, 1 sex on the beach (who drinks those anymore anyway?!), and 1 other pain in the ass shooter.
If you are a MAN, don't order anything but a SHOT. Ordering a shooter just makes you look dumb. Can't handle the good stuff? Order a shot of vodka.
If you want that chilled- ASK FOR IT! Don't wait til I pour them all to ask me to chill them! Now they won't fit in the shot glasses, because chilling them waters them down, making them bigger.
Don't ask for a TALL and then complain that it is weak. TALL means more mixer, NOT more alcohol. Want more alcohol? Order a DOUBLE? Don't want to PAY for a double? Order a regular drink and deal with the
1.5 oz in the glass! You want a little bit more than that? TIP MORE!!! Our hands get a bit heavier with good tips!
Don't ever ASK for a "strong" anything or a FREE anything. If you are nice, polite, or friendly, we might just take care of you...ONCE. Don't expect it every time.
If you are a fellow bar tender, regular customer, friend: Don't EVER expect to be hooked up. You know the rules, and we just can't always take care of you! Your hook up is not having to wait to order, and that should be enough. We will do what we can, when we can, but don't come in expecting not to have to pay. Only the owners can expect that! It is THEIR liquor, not mine.
Don't tell me, "I used to be a bar tender". We would never say it, so it tells me you are lying, or it was so long ago, you don't know it is bad bar etiquette to point that out (especially if you are ordering like an ass, and/or tipping crappy!).

I think that is good for now...I feel better.  Enjoy!
Feel free to add to this and repost. It makes me happy to hear more horror stories from fellow bar tenders!"

A post from my FB page

 June 5th

"What's everyone doing? I'm watching a father sitting at a table clip his kids toenails and his own fingernails onto the floor in the breakfast area."

What did you just ask???

Man has us call a cab for him and doesn't give us any other information, but neither did I ask.  Cab comes and he comes down and asks me, "Now, do I have to let the cab know where it is I'm going?"   ....WHAT!?!

So, I tell a friend about this and he comes up with a GRRRREAT ONE!!!

"So, you have a Continental Breakfast offered here, I was wondering just what Continent that your breakfast is from." Tim N.     Love my buddy Tim. LOVE HIM

Does it SAY VERIZON WIRELESS ANYWHERE AROUND HERE???

Guy comes up and asks how to use his phone.  Um, what? Starts to hand over his open cell phone to us and says, "I don't know how to use this and I need to call somebody."  We ask who he needs to call and that we'll dial it for him. He says it's in the phone but doesn't know how to get to it.  So we bring up his contact list and hand it to him.  He says oh can you come here and show me how you did that and how do I get to the contact I need?   Ok, doesn't sound like that big of a deal but, let's add this to the mix, the F*&K*NG paramedics, ambulance etc are there helping someone that was in need and he stops us in the middle of this ultimate chaos to show him how to use his cell phone.   Why customer service sucks, because people are becoming selfish entitled idiots.

(how'd he get the numbers in the phone to begin with???)

Oldie but Goodie

About a month ago we had a wedding party in from the Middle East staying for about 5 nights. I won't go into all the hell they put us through the whole time they were there, oh, and it was HELL... They lost their keys every time they left they're rooms but got mad when we wouldn't give them keys to other people's rooms that their names weren't on...but I digress... but upon check out a 70+ year old 4 foot nothing Middle Eastern lady comes to the front desk to have her stay completely comped (given to them for free). I guess we weren't fast enough, so she started swinging her big purse/bag thing over her head like a helicopter and released it across the front desk at the other customer service person working, then ran around the front desk screaming and trying to get into the back offices.  One of the younger relatives had to come running behind the desk after her and put her in a bear hug to stop her...  Oh, yah, and half of them were at a considerably low rate because they were family of an employee of a sister property...  Ummmm, yah. WTF.

April 30th 

So I have to go down the hall to tell about eight 10-12 year olds to shut the F*&$ up because the parents left them to go out to dinner and didn't allow them to have keys to they're respective rooms nor did they tell us they were leaving they're children unattended, (yes, had to babysit, which is NOT in our job description) and as I round the corner I hear one of them say, "I wonder if there's enough room in there for a foursome?" They go and congregate over in the lobby area and I over hear one of the children laughing and say, "OMG, he's trying to rape me!(giggle giggle)".  Um, WHATTT?  By the way, this company is a very well regarded company, not some motel chain that these descriptions are making it look like by these customers' actions.  I can't IMAGINE what the crappy motel employees have to deal with.

June 3 

Back to work after being out sick for 5 days. First up, lady checking in with husband, after the schpeel about all the amenities I get an abrupt,  frantic and loud, 'Um... do u have ICE HERE ???'. As she looks around the lobby like a frazzled pregnant woman looking for ice chips or something. No we have an indoor pool but this company couldn't afford to spring for f%#*ing ice machines after we installed that, sorry... 
Are u KIDDING ME???

June 20

Man:"I've seemed to have locked my keys in my room. May I get another one?"
Me:"Off course sir!  :D  What was the last name?"
Man:"(Last name)"
Me: "Great, thank you! Do you happen to have an ID on you just to be certain?"
Man: "Sure, no problem." (shows ID)
Me: Click click, swipe beep beep, hand the key.
Man: "Ummm..... this one's a different color than my other ones."
Me: "I'm sorry, what?"
Man: "This key, it's a different color."
Me: "Oh ok."
Man:(stares at me)
Me: I stare quizzically.
Man: (Stares at the card then at me)
Me: "Ummmmm, did you want another one, sir"
Man: (Staring at and flipping key card) "Uh, welllll, it's just that this one isn't the same color as the other ones."
Me: "I would be happy to get you another color."
Man: "Um...uh...... (pause.......stares at the card......flips it over)
Me:  ............
Man: "That's ok. It's just that the other ones I had were different, but.....this...... this... will be ok."

Welcome

I am here to post things that I experience daily to help show people why customer service sucks so badly now a days.  It's not just a one way street.  Customer services representatives are not all bad, even the good ones  suck sometimes after dealing with f&$*ing idiots all day that we are worn down from it and can't imagine what is going to come next.  So, this whole Customer Service Sucking wasn't just brought upon by itself, it was mostly, at least in this case, brought on by the CUSTOMERS sucking so badly that we can't help it just to give in and suck too.

Please feel free to email me any stories of ridiculous customers you have to deal with and your first name and last initial or anonymously and I will do my best to post them. Email me at whycustomerservicesucksnow@gmail.com