What exactly do you mean???

4 portable banquet style coffee urns out full of coffee nowhere near a brewing station or any other device to brew coffee...

Woman:  Oh, is there coffee in these?
Me:          Yes, there is !
Woman:  Which of these are working?

Me:        Ummmm, they're all working, ma'am.  

Woman:  They're ALL working?

Me:        Uhhh, yes, ma'am. The freshest are the two on the right.

Woman: Which one? (Points to the second from the left.) This one is working?

Me:       Working? I'm not sure what you mean. They all are working, but the freshest are the two on the right.

Woman: (Puts her hand on the 3rd from the left) This one is working?

Me:       Yes, they are all working, but that one and the one on its right are the freshest.

Woman: This one? (puts her hand on the one on the right end)

Me:        Yes.

Woman:  These are the ones working, right? (Points to the second and third ones.)
(I give up)

Me:        Yes.

Woman:  (Moves her hand onto the third one from the left and starts to dispense herself some coffee) This one, right?
Me:         Yes, that is the one that is working.

The check's in the mail. No, really, it is.

Nicely dressed man and a woman in business attire, in their 40’s, walk into the lobby, they walk around the lobby, they look around, go into the lounge area, look around for a minute, the lady sits down in a low chair just out of eye sight around the wall, all I can see are her crossed legs and the man walks up to the front desk.

Me: Hi there, checking in?

Man: Um, yes, do you have any rooms?

Me: Yes we do!

Man: Do I need an ID to check in?

 

Me: Yes, you do, do you have a reservation?

Man: Um, no, do I need an ID to book a room?

Me: Uh, yes, you would need an ID, sir.

Man: Oh, ‘cuz it’s in my truck.

Me: Ok. (Oh, boy, here we go!)

Man: .…oh, ok, I’ll be right back.

Lady is still in the lounge area, can only see her bouncing her crossed leg as she waits…

Man comes back in with his driver’s license. This is alllll too familiar, so I look at his left hand, no ring..yeah right, I don’t buy it.

Me: Ok, thank you, and the method of payment you would like to use?

(Let me take a WILD stab that he’s going to say cash.)

Man: Cash.

(I knew it)

Me: Ok, with cash transactions we take an extra $XXX in incidental fees that you get back upon check out.

Man: Oh, well, we’re only going to be here for a couple of hours. Probably check out at midnight.

(No shit, really?  Wouldn’t have guessed.  Can’t believe he admitted to that though)

Me: Ok, sir, if you would like to use a credit card we don’t have to take the extra incidental fee. 

Man: Oh, um, no, that’s okay, cash is fine.

(I figured)

Me: Ok the total with incidentals comes to $XXX.

Hands me a stack of crisp one hundred dollar bills.  Seems like he’s not new to this.

About 9:30pm we have a busy lobby with people checking in and bustling about the lounge and I see the ‘couple’ leaving.  They seemed to be walking a little bit taller and have a little skip in their step and smiles on their faces… but it’s not midnight and he didn’t come by the front desk to pick up his deposit, so maybe they are coming back later for round two? And really it’s not my duty to remind you that after you screw someone that’s not your wife to come pick up your $XXX.

I later get off of work and go home.  The next day I see him come in early evening, expensive gym type attire and, who’d of guessed, a shiny gold wedding band on. I know then, that he never came by the front desk to pick up his deposit or officially checked out.  I gesture for the other front desk person to take care of him so he didn’t try to argue with me.

He states to my coworker that he had forgotten to pick up his deposit, and would like to now pick it up.

BUT HERE’S the CATCH.  If someone that paid cash doesn’t pick up the deposit by 2pm, a check is cut and mailed to the address on file! ! ! ! !  

R O T F L M F A O!!! 

My coworker explains that to him and just at that moment you could see his gaze instantly go off over to Holy Shitsville. (not sure where that is exactly, but I’m starting to realize it must be nearby.)

Let’s say that the little skip in his step from the night before was gone when he left this time, and I would guess that he’s going to be the one checking the mail at home for the next couple of days.

For the Love of Buddha!!! I Don't Speak Chinese!!!

You need what? I'm sorry I don't understand.

Guy takes both hands and cups them then makes a motion of splashing water on his face.

You need a sink?

He nods and I guess says yes in Chinese.

A sink? And I too make a gesture of tilting my head down and splashing water on my face.

Again he nods and I think he says yes.

I start to point across the lobby toward the restrooms when their tour leader comes up and they start speaking in Chinese to each other.

The tour leader looks at me and says, He needs to use a phone, is there a phone he can use?

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - Unf*&#ing-believable

Ok, I just want to warn you that I am going to be using some explicit words, and if you are against that then I advise you to stop reading NOW.

It’s shit like this that makes me realize why customer services suck now where ever you go.  Now when I get a rude customer service rep on a phone or in person, in a restaurant or on a plane, or ANYwhere, I can now see through their angst and know that they have just been beaten to a pulp by fucking ignorant customers/consumers and they are just done with it.  As am I.

Maybe you have heard of hotels having rewards programs that earn you points, or tokens, or miles.  There’s the Diamond VIP by Hilton, or the Platinum member by Marriott, or the Gold Crown Club member of Best Western, or Choice Hotels’ Diamond Level, or the Hyatt Gold Passport…  So here’s my story...and away we go:

I get a guest check in and as I am checking him in he mentions to another person checking in at the same time that he has just stayed in same brand as ours hotel 3 times in the last few weeks, so I nicely ask if he has a [brand] Reward/Club number so he can get credit for this stay too.

He says he does not.  So, I ask, would you like to join?     I didn’t have to ask him. I didn’t have to do shit but check his fucking dumb ignorant ass in.  But I thought, this would be nice so he can earn points/tokens/miles/rewards.

He tells me he would like to.  So I get more than the usual amount of information and sign him up and give him a stupid little temporary thing with his rewards/club account info on it as well as a pamphlet showing him how it works and what he can earn and how.

He asks me, Will I get [points/tokens/miles/rewards] for the recent previous stays at the other [brand name] he had just stayed?  I say Yes! And I politely and happily show him on the brochure I had just overviewed with him the number he can call and they would be happy to add those stays to his club/rewards history.  He thanks me and goes on his way.

Less than a week later, corporate office sends us an ‘atta-boy’ email showing us an email he sent to them  saying that the day shift employee went above and faxed in a request to have his most recent stays added to his club/reward history, and didn't just ‘point to a pamphlet and tell me to call an 800 number’.

Are you FUCKING kidding ME???  You are 1. going to passive aggressively complain that I didn’t do it for you and 2. LIE and say I just POINTED to a pamphlet and said call them.  You FUCKING ASSHOLE, you wouldn’t have even KNOWN about the program if I hadn’t fucking told you!!!  Plus even if I had stopped EVERYTHING and faxed 147 different pages to the Club/Rewards office, they wouldn’t have been there to fucking receive it at 10:30 at NIGHT.   You have been a Club/Rewards member for a whole goddamn NINE hours and ALREADY are harping to corporate? Harping about shit that didn’t even happen the way you made it seem.  I can’t fucking WAIT to see what a buttfuck asshead you are when you reach any of the levels that actually get you things.

This is my analogy to make myself happy and to explain it in a different light:

You walk in to the hotel.  I randomly hear you say to the person with you that you have stayed with [brand] hotels frequently and that you don’t have a car to get around. So I say, Hey! Let me sign you up! Oh, and you don’t have a car???  Let me give you this brand knew [Fancy Brand New Car Make/Model] for you too!!! It’s low on gas, but here are directions to the nearest gas station!  You thank me and go on your way. 

Then the next morning you annoy the fucking shit out of someone else, because you are a helpless fucking assface fuck and say, Do you know where the nearest gas station is? And the day person goes, Oh, let me drop everything I'm doing and go gas that up for you!!! 

Then you write the corporate offices and tell them that the day shift employee went above and beyond because she gassed your car up and she didn’t just point out the window to some gas station.

HEY FUCKTARD, you wouldn’t even HAVE the car if I hadn’t TOLD YOU!!!

So, this is why customer service sucks now…..especially now WHEN YOU DEAL WITH ME.

P.S. – to those of you that are these dickmunch losers that I chronicle, everything, both bad or good, you send or mail or fax or email to the corporate offices, they send us ALL the information about who you are and when you stayed.  Yes, even the bullshit ‘anonymous’ surveys you fill out where you pour your pitiful fucking hearts out that breakfast didn’t have this or the pool was too that or turn down service was six minutes late…and it’s usually the dumb ghetto fucks that get the free email voucher or the special low rate that is about $100 less than anyone else in the place is paying, they send us ALL the information about who you are and when you stayed.

Seeeeeeeeee, and you thought that you only pissed ME off. WRONG ! ! !

http://hotels4dummies.wordpress.com/

An entry from the website above:

{July 12, 2011}   I Am A Front Desk Agent

There was a copy of this posted on the manager’s wall at the first hotel I worked at.  It’s a little exaggerated, but yet so true at the same time!!  This is what we go through everyday. Yes, people really do come up with stuff like this!
“I am a Front Desk Agent
I have advanced degrees in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.
Of course I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don’t have the confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with “S”.
Yes, I realize it is completely my fault that the blizzard shut down the airport and you have to sleep in a warm king-size bed while 5000 of your co-travelers are sleeping in benches at the airport. I am sorry.
It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, non-smoking, poolside suites with two king beds in each, four rollaways, 3 cribs, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.
I am a Front Desk Agent. I am expected to speak all languages fluently. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday on the weekend we’re sold out that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. THIS time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wanted to stay here. I should have known you were coming in, even though you had no reservation. After all, you stay at our brand of hotel all the time, 300 nights a year, and this is only the first time you’ve ever been to our city.
I am a front desk agent. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls, delivering six bath towels to room 625, plunging the toilet in room 101, and restocking the supply of pool towels, all at the same time. Yes, I will be glad to call the van driver and tell him to drive over all the cars stuck in traffic because you’ve been waiting at the airport for 15 minutes and you’ve got jet lag.
I am a front desk agent, an operator, a bellhop, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information specialist, entertainment critic, restauranteur, stock broker, referee, janitor, computer technician, plumber, ice-breaker, postman, babysitter, dispatcher, laundry cleaner, lifeguard, electrician, ambassador,  personal fitness trainer, fax expert, human jukebox, domestic abuse counselor, and verbal  punching bag.
Yes, I know room 112 is not answering their phone. And of course I have their travel itinerary so I know exactly where they went when they left here 9 hours ago, and what their cell phone number is.
I always know where to find the best vegetarian-kosher-Mongolian-barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money and without getting caught in traffic. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the nation’s economy.
I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Galaxy Delight Motel, Antarctica. Of course I can “fit you in” and yes, you may have the special $1 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.
I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, condole, upsell, downsell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer, and tell your friends that you’re here. And I know exactly where 613 Possum Trot Lane is in the Way Out There subdivision that they just built last week.
After all, I AM a Front Desk Agent!!”
~Author unknown

Again, this is a post from 

http://hotels4dummies.wordpress.com/

Thank you again, Rose N. for showing us that we are not alone in our angst!!! :)

No, sir, you are CHEATING...

Gentlemen, when you come in and you look around like you are being followed by the FBI and you ask if you can use cash and no credit cards, and you make sure to ask THREE times that nothing will be sent to the address that we are putting in the system from the ID you are giving us, and then come down 2 hours later to check out because of an emergency that is making you leave early, we know this is NOT the case and that you are cheating. 

But I guess if you are cheating, I suppose it's not that big of a deal that you are lying to a stranger about why you are there.

What does Chaperone mean?

I just had a chaperone come down and complain to me that part of their group was being too loud. She wanted me to go up and tell them to quiet down. Anyone else, but me, see this not happening?

Entry from Rose N ~

Entry from Rose N ~

Lady checking in:

"There's only one of these right?" (as she points towards the wall beside me)

[I look to my left....]

"There's only one of these right?" (again pointing at the wall)

[Again, I look to my left....]

"Your hotel" she says.

"Yes ma'am there is only one in (town's name)"

[she decides to take a couple steps around a wall, then a few back, then a sharp turn back out of sight around a wall and then back out]

"Where is the bathroom in this place???"




This is just a guess, but I would put money on there being one in your room, lady.